Lovely Daughter

My daughter has gorgeous brown eyes, bouncy curls with honey and copper highlights, and wears "pretty dresses" every single day. She is an excellent mommy to her babies - she bathes and feeds them regularly, and puts them to bed ever so tenderly while singing them to sleep. She gives me nice kisses (regular, eskimo, and butterfly), and will snuggle with me any time I ask.

And yet...

...there is a side to her that appalls me. 

I'm not talking about the layer of grime at the end of a hard day at the playground. I'm not talking about the crazy ensembles she puts together, earning her the descriptor "Bag Lady Chic." I'm not talking about the song she sings about her "pachina." These things are part of her charm. 

What appalls me are the hideous things this girl puts in her mouth. 

[WARNING: Some of the examples below are not for those with weak constitutions. Proceed with caution.]

Examples when she was learning to crawl...

1. Box elder bugs: we'd hear her go quiet, signaling something was wrong, and eventually find her with a wing on her lip
   
2. Hair and fuzz: She'd wolf down hairs (from carpet fringe) and fuzz (from blankets) so quickly, as though frightened we'd deprive her of this rare treat

More recent examples...

1. Floor food: We saw her reach under the couch, put something in her mouth, and run off, chewing. My husband said "What do you have in your mouth?" She said "I didn't just pick up a cheerio off the floor and eat it."
2. Dog Poop: On a walk (not on my watch, I'll have you know), she picked up dog poop and PUT IT IN HER MOUTH. Thankfully, she didn't like the taste and hasn't done it again (yet). 
3. Floor germs: I saw her licking the bottom of my son's shoes in the car last week. He had been in public bathrooms and walked through pee, so I'm told. We were on a long trip, and she was bored... but isn't there something better she can do with her time?
4. Foot-infused baking soda: I put baking soda in her shoes to absorb some of the cheesy, sour, vinegary odor her feet generate. In the same long car trip mentioned above, she took off her shoes, picked something out, and ate it. I watched, in horror, as she did it again. And again. I slowly closed my eyes, turned around, and decided there was nothing I could say. Some sentences are just too ridiculous to verbalize, even for parents of 3-year-olds. 

Now, I'm not germ-phobic... but come on. 

I have to believe a) she'll survive, and b) she's got to have an immune system of steel. 

Right? (Please tell me I'm right.)

Love, food for the heart

In a rush to pick up items for a picnic, we forgot olives. You can't have a bread-olives-cheese-wine picnic without olives. It just isn't the same. We didn't realize until we were halfway home, though, and didn't want to run back to the store. In the interest of time and dearth of parking, I dropped off my husband at the closest deli to run in. While circling, my five-and-three-quarters-year-old son and I had this conversation: 

Him: I want daddy!! I want daddy!!

Me: What?? What do you mean? He'll be back... he just has to get olives. Don't you want olives?

Him: Yes, but I want Daddy more than I want olives.

Me: Aww... now that's love!! You love Daddy more than olives.

Him: Oh yeah, I love Daddy more than olives. But I do love olives.

Me: Do you know what? I love you more than ice cream.

Him: Wooo!!...... I love you more than, more than, more than chocolate cake with sprinkles and banana frosting!!

Me: WOW! I love you more than cheese! 

Him: (suddenly matter-of-fact) Yeah, I can see that. And I know how you love cheese.